I got yelled at the other day.

Becoming a nurse I tried to prepare my sensitive heart knowing a scenario like this would come sooner or later. Yet, when the angry family member with tears streaming down their face spewed out words of hate at me it still didn't hurt any less. 

Speeding out of the room my mind bounced quickly between either bursting out crying or spewing a couple of my own colorful words under my mask in frustration. I vented to God, complaining about how unfair it was of them when I was trying my best to take care of them.

 But a gentle whisper delicately traced my heart, "but think about how unfair all of this is for them." 

And with that, as quick as my heart welled up with emotion and anger, it just as quick filled up with compassion. 

Compassion for the family member who has to sit day in and out and watch their loved ones health slowly deteriorate. To have to watch them in pain and know they can do absolutely nothing about it. To be exhausted from late nights at the hospital, their mind racing with constant crippling anxiety. Not to mention the many other things such as hospital bills, occupations, and other family issues they still have to tend to. 

I mean who wouldn't want to burst out with all that built up inside you? I realized they weren't upset at me, they were upset at the situation they were in and I happened to be the closest victim to who they could let the dam open on.

To my heart they became another human who was fearful, scared, and in need of some hope. 

Sometimes people ask me how I know Jesus is real. It can be hard and difficult to find an intelligent way to explain it. Yet, I look at something such as this ordinary, simple moment and I point to it and say, "that's how I know." 

The only way I could have compassion and forgiveness and patience and kindness, when the core of my being wanted to react quite the opposite is only due to Jesus. 

I can try to convince myself that at my foundation I'm a good person, but I'm not. At my core I am a prideful, selfish, self-righteous, and self-centered human. I could never look at an unfair or frustrating situation and feel compassion and understanding without Jesus. I could never love others without knowing the compassionate, always forgiving, patient, kind, love of Jesus. 

Jesus is the reason for it all. Everything that is good in my spirit is from Him and because of Him. It can make my heart overflow with gratefulness and affection to know that I serve a God that loves me with gentleness even on the days that I'm yelling at Him.