To the girl who hates her hands

Featured on @actually_co

       I hate my hands. Or you can insert anything about your appearance that you hate. If someone ever asked me the one thing I missed most about being a kid would be our ignorance of insecurities. For those first few years growing up, kids don't understand differences or appearances only if that boy or girl is nice and fun to play with. It wasn't until one day in second grade when a friend commented on my hands looking "old and wrinkly, like a grandmas hands", just mindless words from a child's mouth that shouldn't of bothered me as a seven year old, but did. It's as if I suddenly became aware of my hands and the appearance of them. That little, mindless criticism a friend made slowly started to warp my mind. I know what your thinking, "Rachel they're just hands", but Satan had already planted a lie inside me that would slowly unravel and become an insecurity. Fast forward to middle school where I thought by always having my nails painted it would maybe add a sense of beauty to my grandma hands, staying up late every night to make sure the paint hadn't chipped. Junior year I was afraid of going on my first date and having to hold hands, hoping that it would be pitch black and they wouldn't notice how my hands looked. I searched how to's and DIY's to make my hands look younger, but nothing helped and to me having flawed hands made me a flawed person. Even to after graduation as I scrolled through pictures on Pinterest of engagement pictures and the girls smooth, young looking hands that I knew I would never have.

    Now reading over this I laugh at myself, of how foolish and idiotic it must've sounded when I told those around me I hated my hands. Especially as girls, with what society says beauty looks like surrounding us every day, we are so constantly so critical and insecure of our appearances. Apart from my hands my list of insecurities could go on and on: my legs are too short, my nose was too big, my lips too small, my hair too frizzy.... And we get so caught up in pressuring ourselves to conform to what those around us think is beautiful. We try to become Kim Kardashians and Victoria Secret Angels and then when we fail to even reach those outlandish standards we feel ever more worthless. We feel unwanted, unloved, and just plain ugly if we're being honest. We even go so far into this self hatred that we become critical of others compliments to us: "She's just saying I look pretty because she feels bad for me" "They don't actually mean my hair looks good, they're just saying that because it actually looks frizzy" and so on. Just like every girl in this entire world, I had to learn to fight against this battle of self hatred. It's one of the most intense hardships, I feel like, that all girls in have to fight, since we're constantly remind of it. I struggled for years, and still do, with wanting to fit in and look good and feel beautiful. I can find myself back in the routine of basing my identity on if enough people comment I look pretty on a post or if enough guys find me attractive.

    "...People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart". (1 Sam. 6:7) How you look, how you dress.... these are things the human race is worried about. This is what we look for because it's something we can see, something we can grasp. It's easier for humans to judge others by how they are on the outside, but it's harder to judge someones heart. Because the heart is where your true self is, who you authentically are. I can be as beautiful as I want on the outside, I could even win Miss Universe, but the Bible talks about that true beauty comes from the heart and what fills it. If I'm filling up my heart up with vanity, and insecurities, and the want for those around me to like me, my beauty on the outside will pale in comparison to what is coming out of my heart. But if I'm filling myself up with God, with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, letting Him mold and craft my heart to be more like Him you better believe beauty is going to become an attribute of what people say you are. Let me tell you the most beautiful people I know, I mean girls who I think are truly gorgeous and radiant, are those who don't have the smallest waist or have the Kylie Jenner lips. They may not be anything that society would even begin to categorize as "beautiful", but because of these girls hearts that are sought after chasing the Lord there's this supernatural beauty and attractiveness that radiates from them. The way they talk, the way they treat others, the way they live their lives is characterized by Christ and through that God allows a mystical loveliness to shine through them. And that's the kind of beautiful I want to be. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter3:3-4).

    So hopefully, if not even a little, this has helped or touched some of the girls out their struggling with their beauty. Everyone always sees the "Instagram" me, the one who's makeup is done and hair that's curled perfectly. No one sees the "just woke up with morning breath and an afro" me. A lot of times we start to base everything about a girl on what we can see on her social media (I've done it too), but social media is so superfluous. We don't see that person day to day only what they maybe post every other week when they actually had time to fix up and go out. So instead of looking around for what beauty is, look to God's word. Instead of staring in the mirror at things you can't change, look at the verses on how we are created in God's image. Instead of worrying about if that guy or that friend will think you look pretty, show them you're authentic beauty God has given you by being pretty kind, pretty smart, pretty loving, and pretty strong.


   -Rachel