Making the first move

    And no I'm not talking about you making the first move on that cute guy at the pizza place you see every Tuesday, I'm talking about your life.

     I was in sixth grade on my first church retreat when I finally took this thing I called my faith seriously. A close friend of mine had gotten saved and to say the least it shocked me that I had never known, or never even thought to ask about her relationship with Jesus. So that same night I made a pact to myself to become earnest about this decision I had made to follow Jesus at six. It was also the first time I ever raised my hand or cried while worshipping... and lets just say I got some very strange looks from some others around me for doing it. Soon after I went to a sleepover passionate to share my reignited love for Jesus, so when we had all changed into our pajamas I decided it was a good time to take out my devotion book. I had been wanting to share it with them for a while and starting reading that days lesson to the captivated eyes looking up, only to meet with laughter. I suddenly became aware of how "uncool", even being called a "jesus freak" from some, and so holding back the tears that formed in my eyes I let out a fake laugh and put the book away. Agreeing with those around me that it was a stupid idea for me to bring it anyways.

    And this started an insecurity that would follow me the rest of my life. The insecurity of what others would think. What would others think if I posted that bible verse, what would others think if I sang lead in the student church band, what would others think if I started a bible study at school.... the list goes on and on. So when I was in ninth grade, writing stories and columns on my computer just for fun, the idea first came into mind about starting a blog. And the first excuse rose up "I'm too young, no one will want to hear what I have to say" and so I decided I would wait till I was older to start one. Then came the excuse "I'm just too busy" and then "I wouldn't actually ever impact anyone" and even "I'm not even good at writing". And that's how it became, excuse after excuse hiding the real reason I didn't want to put myself out there. Hiding the face that I was afraid of rejection and embarrassment. I was paralyzed by the fear of what they would say, what they would think. 

   So what changed? I suddenly graduated and realized how little those opinions had really mattered that had held me bound for years. I had been holding myself back from doing something that God has been burdening my heart with for years, forcing myself to conform to those around me wanted and not what God wanted. So when I found myself typing my first post, and I first pressed publish, and I first posted a picture of it on my story, well it was as if I had suddenly found myself. The fear of being embarrassed or ridiculed or mocked slowly starting to fade away as I found myself for the first time in a long time fearless in my faith. 

     And that's what I want to talk to you about. For those of you struggling with the same exact fear, it's a gripping fear to not want to put yourself out there. Cause I'll be honest putting yourself out there for Christ is scary. You're afraid of being hurt, afraid of rejection, afraid of failure. And being honest that could happen, but when we agreed to this thing called faith and obedience to Christ we agree to put ourselves on the line for Him even if it means experiencing some not so fun things. God didn't promise our faith would be easy or even happy go lucky all the time, and by becoming a follower of Christ have to realize beforehand that is something we are getting ourselves into.

   As well as fear, this is also just about disobedience. I had been straying away from what God desired for me to do because of this fear I had and therefore became disobedient. I was struggling against His voice inside my head, trying to tune it out so I could tune in the positive opinions of others I was receiving from disobeying Him. It was as if God was looking at me and saying "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and not do what I tell you?" (Luke 6:46) I was being this lukewarm Christian that went to church and did all the right things, but yet didn't step outside of my comfort zone or cross the line because of my fears of others. And to be honest living in this fear only increased it's grasp on me, the more I strayed away from God's plan and purpose for me the more fearful and consumed with this fear I became. It brought with it layers of insecurity that I wouldn't of had if I had just known who I was in Christ and realized how insignificant the opinions of this world are.

    So what I'm calling you to do is what I did last month: Make the first move. Whatever that is for you. For me it was realizing the courage and boldness God has given me to be able to publish my first post, knowing that I could encounter rejection or failure or criticism. But those things pail in comparison for what we are doing for God's glory and "...[storing] up for ourselves, treasure in heaven..." (Matthew 6:20) For you it could be He's wanting you to start a bible study at school, or talk to a friend about something unhealthy you've really needed to confront them about, or maybe it's to take a gap year from college and go live in a third world country, or maybe it's to become a worship leader, or even a start a blog.... whatever it is my hope today for you are to make the first move today. I know how hard it is living under the fear of what others would think, but by taking the first step today, and not letting excuses push you farther and farther away, will you actually start to loosen the grasp of this fear. I promise you'll feel as if a burden has been lifted off you're shoulders when finally allow yourself to stop fearing this world and start obeying and following God's plan for you. If you want you're life to matter and want to do something that impacts people with you're life and brings God the glory He deserves, you have to make the first move.

"Blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it." (Luke 11:28)

- Rachel