A True Friend

      The scene on Hannah Montana singing to her best friend Lily always comes to mind when I hear the words "true friend". It's one of those songs all of us fifth grade girls screamed out at sleepovers and sang with hairbrushes in hand, but lately with college coming up soon I've been realizing how in a short time I'm going to be 17 hours away from home. And all by myself. I won't know anyone, and they won't know me. And it's kind of nerve-wracking to be honest, it's super exciting as well because I can't wait to make all these new friends, but being a small Kentucky girl it seems kind of daunting. And it's made me just start thinking about the past 18 years and the many friends that have come in and out of my life. Even over this past week I finally got together with a couple different girls and realized how much I had missed being with them. Laughing at 3 a.m. while eating popsicles, or taking evening walks in the park to clear our heads. Just some quality, true friendship.

    Most girls, if we're telling the truth, all struggle with finding true friends. I know I did. I've always been a people pleaser so in kindergarten when a girl told me she "didn't want to be my friend" because we both had a crush on the same boy, it was shocking. It hurt me, and I suddenly had to prove to myself that I could get her and everyone else to like me. And this feeling of wanting others to like me became an insecurity that moved on with me throughout life. So in middle school when I started homeschooling and all my old friends were moving on together with life, I started to find myself with no one to talk too. With me being an outgoing, extrovert it was not muy bueno. It was hard to say the least, since I had always thrived off of having a multitude of friends. And moving onto high school where I would have weekends with so many plans I didn't know when I was going to catch some sleep, and the next week having where I sat at home on a Friday night watching all the snaps of those around me going out.

    Here's what I've learned if I've learned anything growing up, is that we are made for community. We, especially as girls, need to have those friends or even a friend that we can open up with. Cry with, laugh with, grow with. My mom use to always say to me growing up when I complained about not being able to find someone to be friends with is that, "Everyone's looking for a friend" and I've never heard a truer statement in my life. Most times we like to pretend we're the strong, independent girl who doesn't care if she has friends or not, but we all desire inwardly to have that relationship with someone, that bond. For the longest time I thought the more "friends" I had meant the better off I was, and while it's super great to always be nice and kind to everyone when times became tough or I needed a friend to talk too it seemed like I couldn't find anyone I was close enough too. I'm not saying there won't be times when you're even irritated with closest friend or look through your contacts some days and feel like theres no one you could message. But can we all just admit that inwardly we are all wanting a friend? I feel like girls would be able to connect so much better and growing up wouldn't be so difficult if we all could just realize we're all searching for the same thing.

   Secondly, besides just us humanly all desiring relationship with other girls we need to,"Be the kind of friend we would want". For the longest time, being a people pleaser, I wanted to do everything in my ability to please my friends. So I went out of my way a lot to make sure they thought I was the most amazing friend ever, but when they didn't reciprocate that same type of relationship back to me I became hurt. Because the Bible says "...for whatever one sows, that [she] will also reap" (Gal. 6:7) What I didn't realize is that I had been trying to be a true friend to those around me in expectation that I would reap the benefits. Instead of treating them the way I had out of the want to live more like Christ I had bee doing it selfishly expecting something in return. And to be honest most times you won't reap any benefits because people disappoint. Even you're closest friends will disappoint. And when I realized the selfish ambition I had I started with a different outlook on friendships and treating them how Christ would want me to even if I didn't receive anything back. Later God allowing me to reap those benefits in some truly amazing and rewarding friendships.

   Lastly, even when friends disappoint God never does. Which is a cliche phrase we hear a lot but it's true. And while God made us for community and relationship which is absolutely true, and we should search for community and true friendships with the girls around us. And God commands us to "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31) So even without thinking we're going to even receive anything back from those around us we should be treating others how we want a true friend to treat us. And while God wants us to have friendships, just like everything else in this world we can't put our whole identity into that. Because just like money, popularity, love... end up disappointing us when we try to base our identity on them, friends do too. In the end the only friend who doesn't disappoint is God. Which I know for some sounds strange thinking of God like you're best friend, but isn't He the truest friend you can think of? Someone who listens to you no matter how long you talk, who has Your best in mind and does everything in their power to give you the world, who loves you unconditionally no matter how much you screw up, who's always ready to forgive you even if you've turned you're back on Him, who knows you better than you know yourself, who is willing to do anything for you even if meant sacrificing His own son. I mean can we just take a moment of awe at the type of friendship we have with God? My friend on earth mean everything to me, but no one can beat the relationship God has with me. There's not even a soul on earth that perfect. So even when you're sitting alone at home on a Friday night with nothing to do you can still smile knowing it can't affect you because you will always have on of the truest friends you can ever find in Jesus. And when God does bring those true friends you've been searching for in you're life don't take it for granted, take the praise back to Him for being so amazing to you and granting you solid friendships that will last.

"A sweet friendship refreshes the soul". (Proverbs 27:9b)

-Rachel